Have you seen Pamela Ann Miller?

This Page is Dedicated to Pamela

(and ALL other missing and exploited children.)

This page is being put together by Pamela's mom, Peggy A. Rowe (pegrowe@juno.com). I have hopes that someday Pamela will be able tell me just what she wants on this page. Pamela lives in Nevada right now with her father. She went to live with him in August 21, 1996 on a temporary basis. At that time I told the officials working my case that I would be cut out of her life, and that I'd never see her again. Today is June 04, 1997. I have not had any kind of regular contact since (I've written: letters mostly come back marked address unknown, or return to sender). I've driven several times to the meeting place to pick her up for visitation to either have them just not show up, or if they do show up, there is such a fight (I'm attacked), then she doesn't come. I've tried to talk to her, but, when I do her step-mother steps in. I do love her. I'm at my wits-end. I believe she is being held captive. This belief is based on what her brother tells me of his experience with them last summer and other times, what I have witnessed, etc. Witnesses who have deliberately tried to stay neutral for the children's sake have spoken to Pamela and confirmed for me that Dad and step-mother will not let her have a phone conversation alone, they are always in the background listening, telling her what to say, etc. Although, Pamela has written me to say that she wants nothing to do with me, I have a great deal of trouble believing it considering the actions of those who are controlling her. She was pulled out of public school November 1, 1997 to be "homeschooled." Suddenly she jumped from being a 7th grader to a freshman in high school. And suddenly she has no outlet in which to turn to if there is a problem at home. In December, Dad told a girlfriend of mine that, "... the kids will end up dead." There is more going on than I could ever go into here. Suffice it to say, Pamela (and her brother) is a victim of a very sick, and ugly custody battle. She is paying a much higher price than I will ever pay. All I want to know is, is she safe? (For those who need to know this is part of a long relationship between her father and I that is just full of domestic violence, please refer to the essay page to understand further the mentality of the adults in this situation. essay page)

I am incredibly sad about not seeing Pamela. I am really scared about what threats Pammy may be living under. I have told CPS, and all the authorities of my fears. I must have faith and wait for Pamela to get tired of what she is living with and speak up for herself. In the mean time, on this page is a few pictures of Pamela. Included, also, are a poem and a story that she wrote!

I really do miss you, Pammy! I really do love you.

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Update: (December 14, 1998) We are only one week from the day my daughter turns 15. I've not been allowed not even one visitation since the day I handed my daughter over to her father in 1996. It has been well over two years. I do not know where they live, I have no mailing address, I have no phone number. And the sad part is that I just recieved a letter from the district attorney confirming that they now live in California. From my best educated guess they live less than two hours drive away in the Stockton area (209 area code). Last year I lit a candle for Pamela as I realized that I had to let her go. I have mourned her as if she were dead and yet, there will always be hope that someday I will see her again. I hope someday she realizes what is going on. That her father in order to have control over one child has abandoned the other, her brother Wesley. I hope someday she will see her new baby sister, Diane. I hope that as she grows up and is able to think in an adult way she will realize that her step-father is no molestor! That is a ploy to keep control over her to keep her where she is and to keep her hating me. If he were a molestor he would not be with me. The system wouldn't let her brother stay here. I hope, I hope.... Even though I really don't know you, I will always love you. Mom!

Update: (June 2, 1999) This year will mark the third year since I have seen my daugher. I live in hope that someday she will absolutely understand what I am doing now. For now because she has made her decisions. For now, because I have two other children whos lives need to be kept safe and peaceful. For now, I am voluntarily giving up on finding Pamela. It is time to move on with our lives. For now.... but, I'll always love you.

Pamela when she was about seven.

beach walking

Just a month or so before (May 10, 1996) this trip to the beach she wrote this poem to me for Mother's Day! It is still posted right by my kitchen sink.(She was studying the ancient Greeks at the time!)

Momism

I'm grateful to you,

for all you have done.

You gave me a brother,

and despite all that I say,

I love him.

Mother,

to me, you are goddess, queen, & lord.

to me, when you smile,

with pride in your eyes,

it's like bright, warm sun bringing spring from the winter.

to me, you are Hera, and Demeter.

to me, you are Aphrodite, and Athena.

I love you,

for all that you are!

This story was written by Pamela. I find it very interesting! It amazed me at the time. She was twelve when she wrote it. She was still adding to it when she left to go live with her father. As far as I know it is incomplete. Maybe if she has completed it, she can send me the last parts to add here. Or if she doesn't like seeing it here perhaps she can write and tell me so.

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Significant Beauty

Chapter 1

Once in a small, shady glen in a thick birch and pine forest there was a unicorn heavy with her first foal. Her name was Kalama, meaning "Swiftfoot". But everyone called her Yenah which meant "Pretty one". For with the unicorns everyone had two names, the one they were called by and the one that only mother and child knew.

Anyways, soon she knew that tonight was her birthing time, so she sent the raven Tabri to tell her mate, False Serenity, that he mustn't come that night for she would give birth.

An hour later she was nuzzling a baby girl trying to get it to wake up. But, it wouldn't open it's eyes. It's no use, she thought. But, I have to give it a name. It's a shame she's so pretty. I wish she wasn't a stillborn. Oh, Well. Her name will be mine, and mine hers. "Kalama, child, your name is Kalama, but even in the valley of the dead you mustn't use it, you must use Significant Beauty. I do love you."

Now, of course, she wasn't really dead or there would be no story. But, it just so happened that she couldn't open her eyes for they immediately crusted over, and she could barely breathe. Luckily for her most unicorns kept a thick roll of fat to live off of after birth. (For) One week they (drank) mother's milk and for every more they ate grass. She (had) a lot more of this usual layers of fat than most, but she was only awake for the last four days of that week. Significant Beauty fell asleep.

She awoke three days later, hungry but warm. Where am I? She thought. I know my name and my mother, but where am I?

Suddenly a voice rang out, "It looks like you made it. Seems you need a home, don't cha? Well, I'll take you in. You'd like that wouldn't cha?" The foal whinnied softly, "Yes. I need a home." She thought, I think I'll stay awhile. She fell asleep.

She awoke the next morning in a barn. She smelled the wonderful, yet strange smell of leather, hay, and oats. She was very hungry. Soon a man came with a bottle so she could eat and she did.

Being a unicorn, she was very restless and naturally full of energy. Outside she was stared at by all the other foals. Finally, one came up and asked "what's your name? I haven't seen you before." "My name is Significant Beauty. What's yours?"

"Robert. Why are you here?"

"I don't know. I was born, mother talked to me, I fell asleep, and I woke up here. My life so far, my life has been fairly uneventful."

Everyone broke out laughing, even the mares. "So, Robert said that you were born in the woods." Everyone broke out laughing again. "Yes, I was." Everyone stopped. [*To them saying you were born in the woods is like asking if you were born in a barn (to people).] "She's a mustang! She has fleas! Let's go out of here!"

All but a mousy colored (?) filly who stood alone left. "I don't listen da dem, their all nut'n but punks, by da way, everybody calls me, Sammy, what's yo name?"

"My name is Significant Beauty. I like your name. But why do you talk like that?"

"I'm from 'tucky"

"What?"

"Tucky!"

"huh, you got me lost in the bog! Where's tucky?"

"Ken-tuck-y. Kentucky. I was born in Kentucky on the east coast of the U.S. and proud of it!"

Just then the farmer came out of the house.

"Hey! Mustang foal! Chow time!" said a young filly who she came to know as Azia.

"Are you coming?" (asked Significant Beauty)

"No Beauty, I aint. I eat grass."

"Oh, sorry" (answered Beauty)

Besides making friends with Azia the entire next three months were very similar.

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Chapter 2

Significant Beauty and Azia have a conversation:

"I can't believe that the spring flew by so fast! Say, where's all the clover and mint? Usually there's a lot of it. I know, where's that tucky-born-and-bred-and proud-of-it-Sammy?"

"Last I heard, she was at another race. An important one."

"Really! Oh! That reminds me. I'm leaving."

"What!?"

"I can't stay anymore. I just can't. Not anymore."

"Why, oh, when?"

"Tonight. I leave at midnight. I can't stand the nit-picking anymore. Tell Sammy, bye for me, will you?"

"Of course I will. But... But... ooooohhh!" Azia ran off wailing.

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Chapter 3

It was pitch black outside. Well almost. The outside was full of shadows, the frightening kind that seems to reach out to grab you. "Why did I leave? I should just go back and forget this whole thing. NO! I can't." As she walked on, the woods seemed more and more frightening. Finally, exhausted, she fell down and slept deeply.

Chapter 4

She woke up the next morning with a feeling of dread, and surprisingly enough, to homesickness. She wanted to go to Azia and Sammy. But the restless spirit of Significant Beauty made her go on.

Meanwhile, on the ranch. "What! What do you mean she's gone! Azia!! I need answers! Didn't she say where she was going?"

"No, Sammy, she didn't and it won't help to yell like that. She didn't say anything much except when she was going and to tell you good-bye. I'm sure she'll come to her senses, Significant Beauty always does!"

"Oh, well. That was probably the last we'll see o' her. Good-bye, Significant Beauty, good-bye."

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Chapter 5

While walking through the thick woods she picked up strange scents and sounds. She had never remembered the spore of fox or squirrel nearby, or the pungent, sulfery, stinking smell of skunk. Never before had she seen a snake. My, she thought, I never realized the woods could be so ominous. Especially no that it's raining. The only thing it's good for is when it's in puddles and for the plants.

Suddenly a down pour came down, lightening too. I've got to brave it, she thought. Look there's a cave, oooooh!! My head itches!

She went into the cave, exhausted. Collapsed, and fell asleep, unaware of eyes watching her.

Chapter 6

She awoke the next morning to a gentle blowing of the wind, and a couple sharp whinnies. Then as a normal response to Azia, who had done this over the side of her stall many a time in the morning to wake her up, she murmured, half to herself, "just a couple more minutes, Azia, just a couple more minutes."

With that, she felt sharp, hard, quick nudge in the ribs. She snorted and yelled, "Sammy! Will you stop that!" A nip in the shoulder was her answer and it brought her quickly to her feet. Upon opening her eyes, she saw a beautiful sorrel mare unicorn. Although, she didn't notice the horn for quite a while, and when she did, the terror overcame her and she high tailed it out of the cave and into the woods. Finally, her head itching became too much for her to handle. So she stopped. She rubbed a bump on her head, and rubbed, and rubbed. Finally the itching stopped. She grazed for a couple of hours when suddenly a cry rang out. She looked round and saw a wolf. But, she didn't know it was a wolf. Gee, she thought, it looks like that old dog, Nemo, that the old farmer kept. The rest happened so fast that she couldn't tell the details. The wolf attacked, a shot rang out and in a panic she fled. She splashed through a stream, sending a raven with her description to Yenah.

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Chapter 7

Tabri, the raven of which Significant Beauty sent up in the air, went crying, "Yenah, Yenah! A young black filly with one white sock, one chestnut sock, and one white ear. Unicorn too! I've never seen her before!"

"Hmmm," said Yenah, "No! It couldn't be, could it? Never! The child was still born! But..NO! I could never, but... maybe.. YES! No two unicorns have the same spoken name. Yes, It could work... I'll try it."

Chapter 8

Why did I have to get her, Tabri thought, She can do it herself. Oh, well. Guess I don't have a choice.

Now upon seeing the young unicorn, horn just coming in, Marybellah, the sorrel mare unicorn, sought out Yenah.

I'm sorry to say that is where the story ends for now. As her mother, I find the story personally telling. The father was named, False Serenity. The mother and daughter were named the same. Pamela is, in part, named after me. Part of this was written before she assisted her father and step-mother in her own kidnapping (according to F.B.I. officials it was an open and shut case of interstate abduction). Part of it was written afterwards. The story just like real life is left unfinished, with a mother searching for her daughter. And her daughter not really grown up yet (how can she be, she is still only 13). I do love you, Pammy.

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Pammy and her friend.

Here is Pamela's art gallery from when she was much younger!

The "Heart"

The "House"

These pictures were done on "daddy's" Deluxe Paint II, and converted to a GIF format.

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This page was put together by Peggy A. Rowe

This Page was last edited on: 11/24/99 09:23:21 PM